An issue of Faith.

Mark 5:24-29&34

So Jesus went, a large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27when she heard about Jesus, she come up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."



 I was reading this story, to my grand babies, the other night and it brought tears to my eyes. Breanna, the 5 year old, looks at me and says "Bamaw, are you crying."  It took a second for me to get my breath and I just shook my head.  Then she asked why I was crying.  Samarah, the 8 year old, says "they are tears of joy aren't they Bamnaw, cause God healed your heart for you."

My Grand babies are so dear and it just amazes me the things that they say.  You see, Samarah was right, God had healed me and I had told her the story a few weeks before we ever read this story.  It had been so long since I had heard or read the story of the woman with the issue of bleeding.  As I read this story, the Holy Spirit came over me and filled me with the love that only God can give, and I was so over whelmed.  Not that I had forgotten what God had done for me, but I just hadn't felt the magnitude of what he had done in a very long time.  I have told a lot of people about my healing, but only close friends and family, I have never shared it publicly so I would like to take this opportunity to share with anyone who would take the time to listen to how I was healed, so that God may be glorified through my experience.

It was quite a while ago, I am not even sure how long ago, but I was in my mid 30's, it was when that fin fin and redux med was out for weight loss... Well I have always battled my weight, so I asked my Dr to put me on this medication.   He said that he didn't have a problem with it, but he had to do a complete cardiac workup because it was causing some cardiac side effects... I agreed, so he ordered a stress test and a echo cardiogram.

After having all the tests, we had a follow up and he told me that he wanted me to see a cardiologist because he saw a small blockage and he wanted to have it checked out.  I really wasn't worried because I know that a lot of obese women have false positive results on stress tests, so I agreed to the consult. The consult was set for the next week.  Since I wasn't worried about the results, I didn't bother to take anyone with me, so I went to see this specialist alone... Now I don't know about you,but when I am sick, I am a baby and I HATE to be alone, but since I really thought nothing of it, I went all by myself.

This was the first time I had ever been to a cardiologist, so I really didn't know what to expect, it was a large office and everyone was very nice... but like always, I ended up waiting some time in the room for the DR to come in.... I was sitting on the table with this young female Dr walked in, introduced herself to me then proceeded to look at my chart.  After what seemed like forever, she looks up from my chart and says "did Dr Howell tell you why you were coming here."  I said "yes, he saw a small blockage, but I am not worried about it, large women always have false positive stress tests."  She proceeds to say "Yes, that is true, but I am more concerned about this large maxsoma you have in the left atrium of you heart."...............................At that moment, I think my heart stopped... I  had to catch myself because I almost fell off the table... I couldn't think, all I heard was OMA and Heart... now I know that OMA means tumor and we all know what heart means... I didn't know what to say to her.  She said, "so he didn't tell you, that is why you didn't bring anyone with you isn't it?"

She then tells me that a maxsoma is a tumor in the left atrium of the heart and that it had to come out.  She said that the risk was that it was large and that it could block the valve between the right atrium and ventricle which could cause instant death..... so now I really can't breath.. I am sitting on the table.... alone... just me and this stranger who is telling me that I needed to have open heart surgery right away.. You see, I have a history of tumors and when I was 19 I had a Dr tell me that my body liked to grow tumors and that they could grow at any time. I had an Aunt who had the same kind of condition. Praise God, all the tumors had been benign (not cancer).

The Dr said that it was the echo cardiogram that showed the maxsoma and that she wanted to see the tape and not just the report. That is how long ago it was, it wasn't even on a disc, it was on a VHS tape.... lol  Any way, she asked me to go to the hospital that I had the test done and bring her back the tape,that same day, so I did.  The next morning she, herself, called me and told me that she got to look at the tape and that she saw the maxsoma and wanted to schedule surgery right away.  I said to her "Dr. I know that a lot of large women have false positive stress tests, is there a possibility that this test may also be a false positive result?"  She responded "MaryAlice, I saw the tape, I can see the tumor clear as day, it has to be removed right away."

Needless to say, I was petrified.  I had arrangements that had to be made, I was a single mother and had to make arrangements for someone to look after me after surgery and to look after my son during and after surgery. The Dr said that it would be a 3 month recovery period.  I also had to make out a will. I knew that with any surgery there were risks, but "open heart" surgery......

I went the very next business day, which was Monday, to my job and filled out the FMLA papers and made out a will and started working on arrangements. Surgery was scheduled for that Friday, she wanted to do it Wednesday, but I told her I had to make arrangements.

At that time, I wasn't talking to God much.  It wasn't that I didn't believe, I have believed in Jesus my whole life, but I wasn't living the life that a good christian (finger quotes) should be living.  I knew that God could heal anything and that if he chose to heal this he could.  I was so afraid to pray and I really didn't feel that I had a right to ask him to do such a huge miracle in my life, I mean who was I, and I wasn't even praying or reading the word, how could I possibly go to the Lord and ask him to do something so big in my life??????  So I called every christian I knew and asked them to pray for me. I asked everyone I knew that if they knew a prayer chain, to put me on it... I knew God could do this, I just had to get someone else to ask him for me.

I was so scared, I made all the arrangements and I tried to prepare myself for this  huge surgery that I was facing.  I called everyone I knew, people that I hadn't talked to in years, just to tell them how I felt and what they meant to me, just in case I didn't make it through the surgery.... It was Thursday night, everything was arranged.  The hospital bed would be there for me after surgery, my mother was going to come stay with me for my recovery, all the proper papers had been signed, I had said all my good byes (just in case) and I had to be at the hospital at 6am the next morning when my sister, Hopie, called me.......

She called to tell me that Pastor Nelly was doing a preaching on healing with all the woman of the church at this camp, that night.  It was about 20 miles away.... I knew that if I could just get someone to lay hands on me and ask God to heal me that he could if he chose to... I was believing that he would be with me even if he didn't heal me, but I just knew....... If I could only get those ladies to lay hands on me and pray for a healing...... I could be healed....

So I got in my car... and drove to that camp, all alone just to have those women pray for me.  I am sure that Hopie had told Pastor Nelly what was going on , cause I knew I was on their prayer chain... when I walked in the room, Pastor Nelly was preaching and talking about how in order for some one to receive healing from the Lord, that they had to believe that God could and would heal them.. she then pointed me out and told all those women, I don't know how many were there, but I knew there were at least 100....... She told all those women how I had such faith that I drove all the way there just so they would lay hands on me and pray for my healing....

Right away she called me up to the front and all those women gathered around me and laid hands on me.... the Holy Ghost was strong in that room, and I felt the power of God moving in that room... I knew that God was there, and I believed and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God could heal me.... now I wasn't as sure that he would heal me... but I promised God that if he chose not to heal me that I would not blame him or hold bitterness, because I knew that he would still be with me and help me get through it....

As I drove home, down that long road after that prayer session, all alone, I noticed that something in me had changed........... I wasn't scared any more... Maybe a little nervous, but fear did not have hold of my heart any more... I slept fine that night and got up bright and early, took my shower and as we walked out the door, I took a deep breaths and said "OK God..... let's do this."

When we got to the hospital we went through the whole admission process... the Dr wanted to do a TEE, which is a transesophogelechocardiogram, which means...... they go in through my mouth with a sonogram type of camera and look at my heart through the esophagus.  She said that she would be able to get a clearer view that way. Then she was going to do a cardiac cauterization then I would go to surgery... so they got me all prepped, shaved and ready to go...

When they took me into the room, it was very cold and I was feeling a little nervous, but I just knew that God was there with me, so fear did not have me... I remember feeling this burning in my hand, through the IV, then nothing.... then I remember hearing the Dr say... "swallow, swallow" then nothing.......

When I woke up, I was back in the pre-op room that I had started in, and the Dr was sitting in the chair next to the stretcher that I was lying on.... when I opened my eyes, she was just staring at me, then helped to lift up my head... she asked me how I was feeling... I told her that I felt fine, but I didn't understand whyI was back in this room.... the Dr had a very baffled look on her face and started shaking her head..... then she said the sweetest words I could heard "It wasn't there."  I said "what".... she said.. "there was nothing there".  I said.... "but you said that you saw it plain as day?"  She said "I did, I can't explain it, I did see it MaryAlice, but I looked today and there is nothing there, your heart is fine, you can go home."  I smiled at my Dr and said.... God healed me... I prayed, I told you that he could heal me if he wanted and he healed me... the Dr kept looking at me, and said, "I know you told me, I know your belief and all I can tell you is that your heart is perfect, there is nothing there and you can go home."  "PRAISE GOD...... PRAISE GOD." that was all that I could say... the Dr smiled at me, shook my hand and said "yes" then she walked out of the room...

I was so excited when I walked out of that hospital that Friday.. I knew that my God... my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ had healed me...... Me... a sinner, that wasn't praying, going to church, reading my bible or living right... and My God, that I had known my whole life, was still faithful and healed me.......

Even after being touched and healed by the hand of God, there has been many times in my life that I wasn't spending time with Jesus... I stopped going to church for many years... oh yes, I would pray, here and there, but never spent real time with my Lord... after all he has done for me, I would ignore him and even for get about him... but he is always faithful... He has never left me or for saken me...

I am back in church now, and I am spending time with the Lord daily... Those who know me, know that the Lord recently set me free from smoking cigarettes.. praise God... I am still nicotine free today... all the Praise be to God....

When I was reading that story to my grandchildren the Spirit of the Lord came on me and spoke to my spirit and said to me...
"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Oh Dear Heavenly Father.. I just praise your name.. I ask that you forgive me for the times that I turned my face from you and lived life as I wanted to, not taking into account of what you wanted for my life... I thank you Jesus that you have stayed faithful to me my whole life, never leaving me or forsaking me... I thank you again for this fire that you have ignited in my spirit and I pray, Father God, that I never turn my face from you again... I pray that I always put you number one in my life and that you may be glorified in every thing I do... Lord I pray that you touch everyone who may read this testimony... let them feel your power through my experience... for Lord, there is not doubt in my mind, that if it not for you, I would not be here today..... I pray these things in Jesus's Heavenly Name..... Amen

I have been set free.....

  I went to a group through New Walk Church that was called Made to Crave.  It was an awesome group that was centered around a book by Lysa Terkeurst called "Made to Crave, Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food."  It was an awesome group and I have to say the book was very good.  If you find that you have any issues with food in your life, this book would really help you.

Through this book and group, I learned that I was made to Crave, but we all were made to crave more of God.  God made us in his image and he wants us to be closer to him so he put that "crave" in all of us.... When we don't fill our hearts and our minds with the Word of God we will find something else to fulfill this need to crave.  The thing is..... God made us to crave him, so no matter what we try to fill this crave with, we will never be totally filled.  In Ephesians 3:16-19, Paul says:
 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Is that awesome or what..... "to be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God"  I think when we try to fill this craving with worldly things, we are never filled to the measure of all fullness, because it is not God filling that space.  If that space was made in us by God to be filled by God... how will we ever feel satisfied if we do not put God in that empty place within ourselves.

I find that the more I spend time in the Word, I am getting a greater understanding of who Christ really is, and how much I really mean to him.  I know that he is all powerful and faithful.. Even when I am faithless, he is still faithful to me.

Now this book and this group was totally focusing on food as the issue that we were using to fill that Crave inside of us.  I have to admit that I have not, at this time, been focusing these principles on my food choices right now, I have been focusing them on cigarettes.... for 30 years, cigarettes have had a strong hold on my life.  I have been a slave to cigarettes so bad that everything I did would revolve around smoking... I would push my grandchildren away because, Bamaw is smoking right now.... what was I teaching them... I would take time away from God because I had to have a cigarette... I would be sitting in church just waiting for the service to get over so I could have a cigarette....  I was having a constant craving...... for cigarettes????

On March 4th of this year, at 2am, the Lord set me free from the chains of nicotine and smoking... If God could part the red sea for Moses and the Jordon for Joshua.... I knew that he could break the chains that nicotine had on my life... I felt those chains break, right there in my bedroom... I have not had one withdrawal symptom at all. I am not saying that I have not had the urges, or been tempted.. on the contrary... I have been tempted every day and in every imaginable form... The only way I have been able to walk in God's freedom is with prayer... I have had to pray and be in his word daily.  I notice that when I am praying, worshiping, listening to christian music or reading the word, I never have the desire to smoke.  I know that is because that "crave" inside of me is being filled with God... After all, that it why it was put in me.

Father I come to you to day with thanks in my heart.  I thank you that you sent your son Jesus Christ to die for all my sins so that I may know your true love and freedom.  Lord I thank you for this fire that you have put in my soul to get closer to you. I pray that you will keep this fire burning that I will always crave you... Crave to be in your word daily.  Lord, I invite your spirit into my live, into my heart and into my home.  I pray that you will make my life, spirit and home your home, that I may always feel your presence.  You are an awesome God and I am so blessed to have you in my life.  Lord I lift up all my God's Girls to you.. I pray that you fill them with the same hunger you have given me... I pray that they too continue to crave you so that they may know your love that surpasses knowledge that they may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of you... I pray this in the precious name of our Lord, Jesus Christ... Amen